On Wednesday, when the sky is blue...

Oy vay!

2010-07-23T21:13:00.001-07:00

What an absolutely insane week!

Monday:
On Monday I had to go pick up the Iraqi students from the airport. I took the subway out to JFK and got there around 430. Three hours later, 2 people came out from our group and then we had to wait another hour for the rest. They had to go through an insane amount of security. They were tired and frustrated and it had been a crazy evening. We got in two vans and started to head toward the hostel. It was only then that Tsipi called and told me to take them straight to dinner. Fun time contacting the other driver...Dinner was at a board member's house on Central Park West. They had a beautiful view and dinner was an amazing home cooked vegetable lasagna meal. So good. It was a long night, but the kids were so excited to be there!

Tuesday:
was. Crazy. I began by picking up the group at 9 am for the UN. My boss called me twice before 8 am to make me buy them metro cards with my own money, which was less than fun. It took forever to get the group together and oriented with the subway. It took us an hour and a half to get there, but thankfully we were pretty much on time. We saw the Security Council and General assembly rooms and some of the museum. They really enjoyed it! It was hard to heard them around. They stopped at AT&T for like, an HOUR for them to buy sim cards. But we moved on to McDonalds for lunch. At 2 we had a "tour" at the Guggenheim which was really a lady explaining things but we got to walk around the Haunted exhibit on our own. It was really incredible. All modern and contemporary art dealing with memory, loss and life. I loved it and was really my favorite museum so far. After the Guggeheim we walked through Central Park back to their hostel for a little bit. Leandra and I ended up taking them to the East Village for falafel and pizza. And then we saw the Blue Man Group! Fo free! That was a lot of fun and the kids absolutely loved it. Afterwards they got to meet the blue men! Leandra and I tried to LEAVE almost immediately and our boss got..kind of mad at us. She wanted us to take them back but it was 14 hours after I started working so I was totally ready to go. Thankfully she let us because....

Wednesday:
started at 9 am again. Leandra and I met them at the hostel and took them very far north to the Peace Wall. We didnt have a lot of time there because we had to make it to the Circle Line for a Hudson River cruise to see the Statue of Liberty, which the kids loved! After that we had a pizza for lunch (one of the boys paid for me and Leandra, so sweet!) And then we took them shopping, which is where the day took a downward spiral. The only girl, Dina, put down her purse somewhere. Of course it was rush lunch hour at Penn Station and it was stolen. Freak out ensued and I left the kids at Macy's to go assist. They ended up finding it in a dressing room. Her $4000 cash was gone (!?!?!) as was her camera. But, her Iraqi passport was still there so we didnt have to deal with the embassy. Leandra ended up going to the police station and filing a report with her while I took the boys to the met. A fabulous woman named Josephine showed us around and they asked a lot about Islamic Art, Kurdish art and Asyrian art. They loved learning about their heritage. It was neat. After the Met, I took them down to the Alice wall to paint and I got the evening off, thankfully! Monique and I went to a diner down the street, got a movie and a bottle of wine and unwound.

Thursday:
I met the group at the American Museum of Natural History, thankfully I didnt have to pick them up! After the museum visit I took them to lunch at LitWorld, an organization that promotes literacy in other countries through writing books that pertain to different cultures. They had a great discussion, and I enjoyed meeting their interns. They were very down to earth. The afternoon was at Top of the Rock and NBC Studios. There werent enough tickets for us to go, so Leandra, Albert and I got margaritas and a Mexican restaurant and then enjoyed happy hour and a bar in Times Square. Three hours later, we went to pick up four of the kids for dinner at the Ben-Haims. They did a performance for the donors and it was all a very interesting spectacle, as Im learning everything is in this world. We got to tour Zigi's studio and his art is very impressive. I enjoyed hanging out with the other interns and I was sad to see the Iraqi students leave, but it was a great week.

TODAY FRIDAY! HOORAY!
I went this morning for my salt air treatment. It was interesting and I felt...better I guess. Then I went to B&H to buy a Holga camera. Its interesting. Im not sure about the camera yet. I like it, but I hope the pictures come out...cool. After that I had some subway trouble on the way to the Met. I dont know what happened but it was raining so I just got a cab. So lazy. I finally saw El Greco at the Met! Ive been waiting to see Toledo for 6 years. After that I went downtown to the UN to buy this bag I wanted the other day but didnt buy. The line for security was ridiculous and long but I talked to Lindsay on the phone about Latvia and all that. After THAT I went back to Brooklyn and stopped at the Museum of Contemporary Africa Diaspora Arts. It wasnt as cool as I wanted to be. Monique invited me to go to a movie on the Hudson with her and some girls from Texas that she knew through a mutual friend. They were really nice and we got great Mexican before. The movie was being held on the Intrepid battle ship on the Hudson which was SO COOL. But we were there maybe 5 minutes before they cancelled because of weather. There was a tornado warning so Monique and I ran all over the West Side trying to find a cab! I dont know what happens to the subway when theres a tornado, but I dont want to find out!

I spent the rest of the night watching Greek and eating hummus :)

Monique and I are having adventures tomorrow! So excited!

What Ive been up to...

2010-07-21T19:16:00.000-07:00

Its been over two weeks but lemmmme tell bout some thangs I done:

1. Saw Memphis when Elizabeth and Kate came to visit!!
2. Saturday Elizabeth, Kate and I went to Madame Toussauds which was SO FUN taking pictures with the wax figures. We shopped a little bit at H&M. Then that night we saw La Cage aux Folles!! We got student rush tickets...in BOX SEATS!! It was awesome. Then we went to Ellen's Stardust Diner.
3. Sunday we went to Central Park for most of the day. I went home in the afternooon to rest and then they met me at my building to go see fireworks at the Promenade.
4. Monday. was. AWESOME. We went to MoMA! We went shopping! We went to Serendipity and it sucked! So then we went to Little Italy and stuffed our faces with pizza! And thn they left
:(
5. I went to see Lady Gaga! I got up so early and Kara and I went to the today show and snuck in with the people who had been waiting since the night before. Leandra came too and snuck in a little bit.
6. The same day as Lady Gaga, I went out with Leandra, her boyfriend, their roommate, her boyfriend's friend from school and a girl from her other internship. We went to Blockheads, which is a Mexican restaurant/margaritas place. It was more of a BAR than I was expecting and 2 margaritas made me puhreetttyy drunk. Then we walked down 34th to another bar called Pigs and Whistles that Id been to with them before. I love walking and looking up when Ive been drinking. The Empire State building looks pretty that way. I had so much fun that night.
7. I went to the Jewish Museum! I originally intended to go just for the Modern Art Sacred Space exhibit but I had A LOT of fun looking at a lot of the artifacts. Made me miss Israel! I took it easy that night.
8. Oh Sunday. I went to Coney Island with Kara and some of her friends. I had a Nathan's corndog. I love it. I tried to make it back for Manhattanhenge but I missed it so I ended up missing it so I sat in Union Square for awhile. I had an awkward encounter with a guy who thought he picked up a vibe from me. Weird.
9. I conquered the Public Library! I did a little research!
10. We've been doing Harlem RBI at work. One day after, Leandra and I went to the East Village, found a cheese shop, wandered around, went in an Indian store, ate garlic naan.
11. Last weekend Mary Elizabeth came to visit.
12. On Friday when she arrived, we went to Java Indonesian restaurant which was AMAZING. So good. Then we saw Twilight.
13. Saturday we shopped alllllll daaay. We went to Brooklyn Flea in the morning which was pretty amazing. The only thing I bought was a jewlery box from Afghanistan. Its a rugged blue and has camel bone detailing. I love it. I also bought a People's Pop. love. We had lunch in Little Italy and did some major SoHo shopping. Mayja. Ridiculous. Saturday night we saw Avenue Q and then had a late dinner at Ellen's!
14. Sunday was totes fun. We went to the Promenade and had brunch at Clark's across the street. In the afternoon we went to Century 21, the HBO store and then we went on an NBC Tour and to Top of the Rock.
15. Sunday night we went to BUDDAKAN for dinner which was amaaaazing! I loved it, Meo loved it. It was awesome. After we went to Washington Square Park. We watched a performance and sat by the fountain. We actually got IN the fountain. We had so much fun and Im so glad she came!

2010-07-04T21:05:00.000-07:00

Its been a mighty busy weekend.

On Thursday night, I got Fascati pizza (LOVE..I cant help it) and Monique and I went to the promenade. There was a concert going on at Brooklyn Bridge park. We took my blanket and a bottle of wine and it was quite the hipster scene. It was cold, so we didnt stay out there too long, but it was a nice evening!

Elizabeth and Kate arrived on Friday! We wandered around Times Square quite a bit and ate dinner at Juniors and had some cheesecake. Then we had tickets to see Memphis which was FABULOUS. I love love loved it!

Saturday morning we woke up early and I met them at a theater to get student tickets for La Cage aux Folles. We ended up getting student tickets...in a box! We were so excited! We spent the morning at Madame Toussauds, which was A TON of fun! We wandered to 5th ave, went to H&M, saw Rockefeller Center etc. La Cage was fabulous. We were so so close. Afterwards we went to Ellens Stardust Diner for some dinner and more entertainment. It was later, so I had to take a cab home. Which, honestly, I love doing that.

This morning we got up a leettle later and went to Central Park. We wandered around to Strawberry Fields, the Alice Statue, the boathouse and lots of other pretty things. Kate and Elizabeth went to see a show this afternoon, but I skipped it to work on my Israel papers...which didnt actually happen. Then they came to Brooklyn! We set up a blanket and a nice ice cream picnic on the promenade. We couldnt actually see the fireworks very well, unfortunately but it was still a nice evening.

2010-06-30T20:56:00.001-07:00

oshd iweh ksdn esjdk abhdjkgjnfd

No matter where I am, I ALWAYS feel the same way about things at home and school. No matter where I am, no one ever texts me back and no one ever wants to go do anything exciting.

blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

Wednesday wasnt good.

Why do Tuesdays always get me down?

2010-06-29T19:34:00.000-07:00

Work is the weirdest thing ever.

Today Kat, Fay and I decided to take a break. We took an hour for lunch and had a nice, sit down lunch at a restaurant in Little Italy. We talked about how much we wished we could have a bottle of wine and take a siesta. I like them.

We went to the wall today. I am a worthless artist.

Danny, my food vendor friend, spoke Spanish to me today! We had a good conversation!

Chris, Jerry, Tackett and Sam are home! Hooray.

2010-06-28T16:42:00.000-07:00

I was SO LAME today.

I had to finish my Israel homework today, which IS almost done thank God.

BUT! I treated myself this afternoon by taking a break and going to the cinema next door to see Exit Through the Gift Shop. It. was. AWESOME. It was also really hilarious. I highly recommend it to everyone. It made me feel good. I love art.

Also, I think one of my bosses is Banksy. He just used the British accent to throw everyone off.

2010-06-27T20:31:00.000-07:00

Rachel came to visit this weekend! We had a lot of fun!

Friday we (she) slept in until 10 or 11 and we adventured to Manhattan and had lunch at Kitchenette. Then we attempted the Statue of Liberty. It was hot and there were long lines, but we saw her and hopped off at Liberty Island and Ellis Island. We did the whole shebang. It was neat! Then that night we ran all over times square trying to find student rush tickets (AAAGGGH). We failed at that, so no show. I was frustrated and tired so we got pizza at a little hole in the wall place. Then we got cupcakes at crumbs and ate them on the steps in Times Square! We ended up treating each other to 21st birthday drinks at the Marriot bar, which overlooks Times Square. We had Kir Royales, a champagne and liquor drink. It was VERY good. After that, we had a bit of a buzz and we ventured to the Empire State building. It was around midnight so it wasnt very crowded and the lights of NYC were BEAUTIFUL. Loved it.

Saturday we woke up eaaaarly to get student rush tickets. We stood in seperate lines, but in the end decided to see Promises, Promises. After we got our tickets we had lunch at Junior's (sans cheesecake, which apparently they are famous for.) Then we went down to Century 21 at Ground Zero and did a little bit of shopping. We headed uptown to Central Park. Which, I want to return to and spend allll of my spare time there. Thats where we started our Sex and the City tour! We stopped at various hotspots where they filmed, including the restaurant where Carrie and Big had their rehearsal dinner (very fancy!) and Aidan's bar (which is really named O'Nieals). We had cosmos and cupcakes! It was a lot of fun and a neat way to see NYC, even if I dont really know that much about Sex and the City

Our tourguide directed us to Bryant Park Cafe for dinner. Bryant Park is so beautiful and I loved eating outside on the porch. Then we headed to the theater for the show! Sean Hayes was amazing and Kristin Chenoweth is ALWAYS wonderful. I didnt like the story, the music was just okay but the dialogue was really hilarious! Then we went home because we were SO tired.

Today we woke up a little later and we tried to get tickets to Memphis without success. I felt sick and awful it was so hot and I kind of wanted to die today. Ack. Rachel and I ended up going to the Grey Dog Cafe in Chelsea for lunch. Its a new one! So good. We then ventured to the upper east side to try to get some frozen hot chocolate at Serendipity. It was good! After that we parted ways and she went to hang out and stay with her cousin!

It was a fun but exhausting weekend. And I REALLY need to do my Israel homework tomorrow Ack!

2010-06-24T04:51:00.000-07:00

Wednesday was significantly better than Tuesday.

I stood outside the subway station for a good 20 minutes yesterday crying and talking to my mom on the phone. I think Im just a lil homesick in the way that I feel lonely sometimes and living in New York is actually a lot more hard work than I thought. Its really tiring to run around all day and then barely get any sleep because your roommate insists on staying up to watch tv and god knows what else.

I got to work a few minutes late, but nothing really seems to matter there sometimes. The morning began with more press calls and some emails. I was sent on an errand to the Agnes Gund Foundation to passes to the MoMA. They ended up being for the interns, and theyre passes for a whole year!! They were pretty fancy. Also, it must have been a really old building because I had to take an old fashioned elevator and there was an operator in there who had to manually open all the doors and everything. It was neat!

I spent the beginning of the afternoon at work doing the Chase Community Giving Facebook promotion. (We are not gonna win that, fyi). And then I had to make a birthday calendar for the director. Really?

The wall was eventful. A group from New Jersey came with CSM. They were pretty lively and I enjoyed talking to them. I cant do anything right though and I refuse to mix paint in the future. Whatever. Im not an artist and I wasnt aware I had to be to work at a non profit. As usual, we stopped to get some flavored ice. The food vendor's name is Danny and he is so nice. I always say "Thanks Danny!" and he'll say "See you manana!" Hes fun.

When I got back to my room arondu 630, ALL I WANTED TO DO WAS SHOWER. I felt disgusting. So I showered and then me, my roommate and Monique went to Monty's. I just had a salad and I ordered some garlic knots. We actually had a lot of fun. I still dont particularly enjoy living with my roommate, but she was fun last night. We went to the promenade for a little bit and then we ended up going to Tazza across the street just for a glass of wine. It was a nice night and I had a lot of fun.

Rachel comes today! Yay!

2010-06-22T19:49:00.000-07:00

Oh my gosh today was ttteeerrrriiiibbbbllleee.

1) I had to call MORE PRESS at my internship. I hate this because a) I dont know who they are b) i dont know where they work c) i dont know what they do d) i dont know what we want from them. Its just so awkward. Its not really something you can "wing." Anyway I was down to my fifth to last guy and he tells me Im pronouncing the name of the high school we're working with WRONG. Its spelled "Stuyvessant" So Id been saying "Stew" when really its "Sty." Eff. Why didnt someone tell me that earlier??

2. I sent an email to someone on accident. THATS awkward.

3. They sent me on an errand to the American Museum of Natural History. I took the wrong subway, a slight error landed me in HARLEM. What up 125th street! Then when I FINALLY found the entrance I was supposed to go to, the guy who I was picking something up from took FOR-EV-ER. Then I waited about a thousand years for the subway back. Needless to say, I took a little longer for lunch after all that running around.

4. I cant do anything right artistically. Its kind of comical and unforunately (or fortunately?) I think the creative coordinator realizes this. Its embarassing.

After today, I was feeling so down. I treated myself to a Five Guys burger and fries. There goes allotted calories for the rest of the week. Geez. I gotta work out.

Its raining and Im sleeeepy.

The City may never sleep but I really need to.

2010-06-21T18:45:00.001-07:00

As I am typing this, I am legitimately falling asleep. And its not even 10:00 yet! Goodness I didnt realize today was so exhausting.

This morning I woke up and I was freaking out because I found out theyre shooting a movie with lots of famous people I like in my neighborhood. So, I got some breakfast and non chalantly wandered around trying to find them. The movie is shooting two blocks from me and I stood with some papparazzi and watched a scene with Kevin Spacey in it. I didnt see Penn Badgely which Im VERY upset about. Hopefully he'll pop up in the next few days!!!

I also started my Key to the City quest today at Trinity Church on Wall Street. The key was supposed to unlock the gate to the graveyard, but when I got there it was actually already unlocked! It was neat.

I had lunch with Tait at the Grey Dog Cafe on University Place. This place was AWESOME. I had a really good portabello sandwhich and there is one a few minutes from my office...I'm hoping its not too far to try!

After that we wandered around the area a little bit and ended up going to Chelsea Market. We had popsicles at People's Pops (I had raspberry and basil...so good. I saw they were at Brooklyn Flea every weekend so Im all over that). Chelsea Market is also where they shoot Food Network shows. (Sorry Chris, I didn't run into Giada!).

I came back to my room this afternoon with the intention of writing my Israel papers but I just crashed. Seriously, I am exhausted today. Kara and I walked around a little bit this afternoon trying to find the movie shooting again, but we couldnt find them! I think they may have been inside.

This evening, Monique and I went to see Holy Rollers, which was really interesting and awesome. Check it out: http://holyrollersfilm.com/

these streets will make you feel brand new

2010-06-20T17:22:00.000-07:00

Wow Wow Wow!! Today was beyond amazing!

Monique and I went to lunch in Park Slope...we had Mr. Wonton's it was kind of awesome. What was even cooler was we came across a market, a sort of flea market or street fair. But on the same block as Mr. Wonton was Mandala Tibetan Store. I was SO EXCITED because I've really been wanting to buy some Tibetan Prayer flags and they had a whole bunch that I scooped up! I didnt have any cash, or I would have bought a $12 leather purse, so I'm really hoping they are there every weekend!

After our adventure in Park Slope, I headed uptown to Times Square to go see the show Red. I picked up my ticket and I had about an hour before the show started so I decided to participate in the Key to the City art project. Basically everyone who signs up receives a key that opens doors in each borough around the city and gives participants perks at each place. Theres a whole booklet that outlines and details each place. I think the one I'm most excited about is the Staten Island Buddhist Vihara. Read more about the project here: http://creativetime.org/programs/archive/2010/keytothecity/

ANYWAY: Red was fantastic, amazing, completely wonderful. From an Art Historian standpoint, it was just absolutely incredible. I think my favorite scene, and I think a lot of people would agree, was when Rothko and his assistant were priming the canvas and they put intense music on and just went and painted the whole thing in less than a minute. It was very intense and I took some notes for things to think about as I'm writing my paper. In my opinion, Rothko set out what he wanted to do: create an artwork that stood out from the rest because it made you think and contemplate and such. And even before I saw this play, thats what I've always done when confronted with a Rothko work in a museum, amongst walls of famous art, as well as in the Rothko Chapel. They force me to consider the world, the tragedy that is in the world as well as humanity and life and death and the hope that is in the world. He may have only seen the tragedy, but I think that luminance inspires hope as well.

Eek. I loved it. I stood next to a guy in line who told me that he was a friend of Alfred Molina and he told him he had to come see the show and he finagled a ticket last minute in the close sections. He was great. We talked about Rothko and art and he suggested a museum and an exhibit of German and Austrian art to me and I was....absolutely positively one of the coolest things thats happened so far in New York. I love that about this city, you can have a conversation with anyone. And hey most likely have a wonderful story to tell you about their fabulous life. Love it.

I was thinking about it today and there is so much I love about the city. And here's the thing about me and New York so far: it just comes so naturally. I don't think about it, I don't worry about it, when I'm going somewhere or doing something I just do it. I'm careful, but my instincts are heightened and things are just natural.

At the same time I miss the South. Fuh real.
Today was so so so good. I MUST finish my Israel homework tomorrow and I will reward myself with an indie film or a trip to MoMA. And maybe some Chipotle.

Coney Island Mermaid Parade: Avoid in the future

2010-06-20T07:48:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went to th Coney Island Mermaid parade with a group from the building. I met some girls to hang out with and we watched a little bit of the parade, although it was really hard to see. One of the girls I was with was adamant about going to the beach. Which...yea, I like the beach when Im prepared for the beach. I dont like the beach when I dont know Im going. But I got a corndog from the famous Nathan's and we fought the crowds and went to the beach. There were an insane amount of people there! It was ridiculous! I was being squished in every which way. Then, when we were trying to leave the beach, we got caught in this HUGE crowd trying to get off the boardwalk and no one was moving and I was literally sandwhiched between two insanely trashy people that I didnt know. It was gross and frustrating and I thought it was going to break out into a fight at any moment. So then I had a panic attack. Right there in the middle of this crowd. It was so exhausting and draining and finally the NYPD stopped watching and started helping. Even then it was hard to get out and finally a police officer PUSHED me in one direction and then yelled at me for going to that side it was so annoying. UGH. I am never doing that again.

So after that catastrophe, I just wanted to shower. I ended up renting a movie, taking a long shower and then making myself guacamole for dinner. It was perfect! Then a girl I met a few days ago sent me a facebook message saying that she wasnt going out tonight and wondered if I wanted to get coffee. So that was nice to do something chill for once and not feel like a total loser alone in my room.

Today I'm going to see Red on Broadway!! I am SO EXCITED!

Busy NY Lady

2010-06-19T07:05:00.000-07:00

Another week in the city! I cant believe I've been here for two weeks already! Whoa! It hasn't felt like that at all.

On Wednesday, things picked up a little at work. They're really trying to publicize the wall so we started calling press and someone came to cover us painting and such. Overall, Wednesday was kind of lame. I went to a "Milkshake Mingle" thing in the lounge at the dorm and met some nice girls. I ate at Fascati pizza....again. Its just so good.

Thursday was REALLY busy at work, which was good since there were four interns on one day. I called a ton of press, including the editors of ARTnews, Art in America and the other intern called two critics I've used in papers. Yea. Cool. Then that night one of the interns invited me to a bar with her and some of her friends to watch the NBA finals. I actually had fun. I felt like such an adult...I had to take a cab home since I was alone and it was so late. THAT made me feel like a real New Yorker for some reason.

Yesterday was Friday...my day off! I woke up really early...again (surprise surprise). I decided to spend my morning at the Brooklyn museum. I really just wanted to see the Dinner Party, but I wandered around the contemporary exhibit and the Kiki Smith exhibit. The Dinner Party was neat and it was something I've been wanting to see for a long time. I also went to see their temporary Andy Warhol exhibit, and then realized about two rooms in that it was the same one I saw in Milwaukee! How weird! I ended up going to Chipotle on Montague for lunch, and then I found the school they use for filming Gossip Girl :) haha. THEN I went to Truman Capote's old house which is right around the corner and it is beautiful. I ended up going down to the promenade and just sitting for awhile. Someone was shooting a music video and this old guy was trying to give me Jehovah Witness stuff, but it was a beautiful day and the view is so pretty. I spend most of the afternoon in my room, half napping. But Kara and I ended up going to a grocery store, and it was good to check stuff out for future reference even if I couldnt decide on what to get. Then I convinced my friend Will who lives on the Upper West Side to come down for dinner. We went to this place on Henry St called Bread and Butter which was good and I was happy to spend some money on food.

I have big plans for today and zero plans for tomorrow! I have been thinking I just hadnt really done much yet...but then I remembered I have 7 weeks! I just really need to finish my Israel homework and start my senior thesis!

I really can't wait for all the people coming to visit to get here! And I reaaallllyyy cant wait until Chris is back in the country!

Typical Tuesday

2010-06-15T20:15:00.000-07:00

Ah. Tuesday. I worked today, which I really do enjoy when I'm doing things that are worthwhile. I was sent on my first "really important dont screw up" errand today and completed it successfully. There is some sort of movie production going on on Broadway between Spring and Prince streets. I am desperately trying to figure out what it was, but I heard some people saying they will be there all week.

We got off work early and I used that time to take THE BEST NAP EVER. Seriously. So good.

Then Kara and I walked around the Brooklyn Promenade and explored the houses and buildings in Brooklyn Heights. We stopped at a pizza place down the street that was seriously AMAZING pizza. And it was $2.50 slice! I'm so excited! This place is going to be dangerous, I can tell!

NYC Lazy Days

2010-06-14T21:37:00.000-07:00

On Sunday I went to brunch. Brunch seems to be a staple of life here for a lot of people. I follow What I Wore on tumblr and shes ALWAYS going to brunch. This place was okay, I went with the dorm. Only three people showed up, so it was a little awkward but it ended up being pretty okay. We wandered around Union Square after and there was a cool art installation tht we had fun taking pictures of. I spent alot of the rest of the day just being lazy. I ended up going to see Sex and the City 2 with some girls I met last week. It was okay.

Today was a little more of exploration. I went to the falafel stand down the street for lunch and got it to go. I took it to the Brooklyn Promenade and watched the Staten Island ferry go back and forth and watched helicopters land and I could see so many cool things. To the left was the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island. Straight ahead was the Manhattan skyline. And to the right was the Brooklyn bridge. Its a beautiful view. I ended up going to The Strand bookstore in Manhattan near Union Square. Its really ridiculous and HUUUUGE. I could have spent hours in there, and I ended up buying 2 books about Israel and Palestine. I came back and stopped in the cutest CVS near my building to get some things. I took an absolutely glorious nap in the afternoon before getting up to meet my friend Kelsey from high school at Lombardis in Little Italy.

A guy hit on me on the subway. He asked what I was reading, he asked about the last book I read. We talked a little about religious studies. And waking up early. And about Mondays and weekends. Small talk. I must have appeared really standoffish. But Im just shy. A learning experience for when it really counts I hope. He was nice.

More work tomorrow, I cant wait!

2010-06-12T20:03:00.001-07:00

New York City!!!!

Today was my FIRST day out on my own sans parents.

I went to the Big Apple BBQ today with the EHS people and met some new people there. I havent hung out much with the girls I went to the comedy club with last week. But I met a few new girls today and I ended up spending most of the day with one of them. We had ribs in Madison Square Park and then we got some ice cream walked around the south side of Central Park for awhile. She was nice to talk to and we ended up going to H&M in Herald Square for a bit.

Then I met up with my friend Will from Millsaps and we adventured to the West Village. We walked around for awhile until we ended up at a place called the Pink Tea Cup Restaurant. It was so adorable and it was good Southern food. I spend too much money, but it was still fun. Will is not into girls, but it made me really want to be on a date. I felt so good drinking wine and eating good food and talking to someone I had things in common with and understood where I was coming from. Meeting new people is so exhausting because I always feel like I have to make such an effort to understand their situation in life and their point of view. The wonderful thing about Millsaps people (and maybe people in the south in general) is that I understand them. I am so thankful for people around me in Jackson who are really similar to me. I really am grateful for my friends at home.

After dinner we went to Washington Square park, with the archway. There is a huge fountain and there were a ton of couples sitting around it and some teenagers playing in the fountain. It was great people watching and I love just sitting outside with someone I actually enjoy being around.

And still, it makes me wish I had someone to share this with.

Thats how I feel about everything these days.

Exciting News!

2010-05-10T07:09:00.001-07:00

I got the internship in NYC!!!! I will be there all of June and July! And I have a feeling I wont want to come home.

Anyway, as per suggestion of my dad, I am going to do ONE THING to experience New York City EVERY DAY.

AND IM GOING TO BLOG ABOUT IT!

There are a number of avenues I could do this: via fashion blog, via this blog, via new blog...so many options.

BUT I am SO INSANELY EXCITED. I found a nice residence I just applied for. It is in Greenwich Village, close to wear Felix Gonzalez-Torres's gallery is located and a ten minute commute to work. Huzzah!

2010-04-29T18:25:00.000-07:00

"Would you reallyprefer it if you had no problems? Do you imageine you'd enjoy life more if everything was pure fun and smoothly easy? Here's and astrological perspective: People who have an over-abundance of positive aspects in their natal horoscopes often turn out to be lucky but lazy bums who never accomplish much. So I say, be thankful for the complications that are visiting you. I bet they ill make a man out of you if you're a woman or a woman our of you if you're a man. If you're white, they'll help you get blacker, and if you're black, they'll make you whiter. Catch my drift? As you do your best to solve the knotty riddle, you'll become better balanced and more versatile than folks who are rarely challenged."

The man who writes the JFP horoscopes is a genius.

There are a lot of things I want right now....

2010-04-25T18:15:00.000-07:00

Just to make a list, they include...
1. For this school year to be DONE.
2. To get an email regarding my internship. Preferably that I GOT the internship. That would be absolutely incredible. Please please please deciding factors out there in the universe align yourselves so that I may have this internship. PLEASEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3. For my phone to work. I feel lost.
4. To go back to Africa. And live with Florah. And spend my mornings at the creche and my afternoons with Madei's family and Maria. And to explore all the things I didnt get to see. I just want to go to sleep and wake up early. I wish in the grocery store the other day and caught the smell of someone smelling not so good, and it reminded me so much of the smell of the grocery store in Thohoyandou. I just want to sit in the sun with Dembe. He was my favorite.
5. To know what Im doing for once. For the summer, for the rest of my life. Etc.
6. I just want to be for awhile. Not so many commitments and assignments and worries and things that get me down. The only way to describe it is I literally want to put a sundress and twirl. Thats the way to truly be.

For Miss Erin Jordan:

2010-04-15T00:53:00.001-07:00

10 Positive Things That Are Going On In My Life Right Now:

1. I just had an interview for a summer internship at CITYarts in NYC. PTL!
2. I. Love. Twitter. I always seem to text people random things that have nothing to do with anything because I need an outlet for them. But now I can just text Twitter. HOLLA.
3. I'm rediscovering music I used to love and am currently knee deep in lyrics I love.
4. I have completed 152 sudoku puzzles in recent weeks. I think I bought this book when I went to Amsterdam in December so like, 4 months? Most of the 152 have been in the past few weeks...
5. Im going to Israel in a month and one week. Wait. WHAT? Thats really soon...crap. (P.S. Im turning 21 there....um. yes please).
6. Submitting my paper to the SECAC conference...fingers crossed?
7. My parents and sister are coming on Friday for the singers concert/take me shopping/feed me real food. Oh and then they're leaving so I can have fun at Spring Parties. YES. Also, we're doing Carmina Barana in Singers. I LOVE CARMINA BARANA.
8. Im not really sure how Im going to do in my classes this semester, but for some reason, I dont really care....
9. I havent wanted to kill anyone today. So thats good.
10. Im starting research for my comps paper. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. But I usually get sidetracked and end up looking at every artists the US has sent to the Venice Bienniale since it started. Oops...Back to Rothko.

Dear Blog...

2010-04-04T22:43:00.000-07:00

Dear Blog,

I want you to know that I have been avoiding you. I feel as though you have become a negative outlet for my feelings. Don't worry, it is not just you. I've been avoiding all things negative for awhile now. I'm pretty sure they are going to explode in my face in the extremely near future, so stand by for a meltdown. Until then, I think you should know that I won't be coming around so much anymore. If you should need me, I'll still be here.

With all the love and hope in the world,
Allison

I sometimes wonderf if its true that who is what and what is who

2010-03-25T20:22:00.000-07:00

I had the most wonderful yoga class on Tuesday. Maybe there were a few contributing factors to Tuesday's yoga success, but everything felt so effortless. Dr. Lola has been telling me I need to make sure I'm meditating during yoga in order to write about it in my contemplation paper for Buddhism. And for some reason, this week my body and my mind were completely in sync. I suppose maybe everything was so effortless because we've been working on the same flows and positions for the past few weeks, but I'd like to think the A- on my test and the fact that I was wearing actual, real yoga work out clothes had something to do with it. The lady who teaches my class always says you know you're doing it right when the flow from downward dog to plank position flows perfectly. And it did. I've taken yoga classes before and I've always hated plank because I have weak wrists, weak elbows and weak shoulders. But I could do downward dog to plank all day and love it. Something about it feels so right. Is it dorky that I'm obsessing over the fact that my body is doing something right for once? Speaking of which, I've lost a lot of weight.

Mom says I'm out of my funk.
I think shes right. I've never put much stock into the Seasonal Affective Disorder thing, but maybe its for real. Now that the sun is out and shining and I can wear shorts and short sleeves and sun dresses, I feel so much better. I'm going to wear a sundress tomorrow.

Wednesday was a really wonderful day as well. I spent it walking around, being environmentally friendly, thrifting and buying gifts. Did I mention the company was wonderful as well? Good conversation and laughter and being around the people I really love is what makes Wednesday afternoons worthwhile. Being quiet is okay too.

Did I tell you that I'm going to Israel for 11 days?
I just really hope I get one of the internships I applied for. Please God, I don't want to spend the summer in Houston.

Not everything is perfect, but I'm working on it.
I'm just so happy in this moment for no good reason.

I. Am. So. Frustrated.

2010-02-22T12:20:00.000-08:00

I feel like pitching a fit. I want to stomp on the ground a lot and make whiney high-pitched noises. I want to curl my fists into little balls and make a really ugly face and possibly cry and hit someone and tell the world to make. it. stop.

Instead, I'm describing what I want to do because if I actually did it, that would be a little ridiculous.

But seriously. Life: CUT IT OUT. You stopped being fun awhile ago and I dont know if thats you or if its me but lately I hate everything and everyone and I cant stop crying and something good just needs to go on and happen. Comprende?

2010-02-05T12:36:00.000-08:00

There are few things you can rely on in life. Death. Taxes. Homework. the Jackson Free Press Horoscopes.

Behold, the following:
"One doesn't discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time," wrote French author Andre Gide. I'm guessing that 2009 was a time when you embarked on such a search, Gemini--a half-blind, groping exploration that asked you to leave the past behind without know where the future lay. By now, though, I suspect you have sighted the shore of your new frontier. If you haven't yet, it'll happen soon.

How do they know me?!

I'm doing well.

2010-02-03T08:43:00.000-08:00

I took a personal day yesterday to get my life together. I have never in my life skipped an entire day of classes. But yesterday I slept til 11, got Broad Street for lunch, got some things done for formal planning, worked on my puzzle, watched 30 Rock, went to yoga, took a shower, did my laundry and I even did my homework.

I feel like I'm taking steps to recognize when I'm not functioning well and doing things to both motivate myself and calm myself down. I signed up for yoga last week and I'm enjoying it so far. While I'm in the process, my body feels so alive. Afterwards, of course, it killllllls me but I need to start giving my body some exercise.

I've also started a puzzle. I have finished quite a bit of it this week, the easy parts. The rest of it is really hard. It's incredibly stress relieving. I've noticed something. It sounds kinf of cliche...but I'm always trying to make pieces fit that dont. I go through every single piece until I find the one that fits. And when it fits, its just....right.

I also went to the career center and the lady who runs it helped me immensely. I now have a beautiful resume and hope for a future. I am confident I will have an internship this summer! Right now, my top three choices are Toms, Invisible Children and To Write Love on Her Arms. I feel so passionately about all of these organizations and they work they do. I am excited about the possibility of living with other interns and people my age. I can just see myself on the beach, having fun and experiencing new things with new people. I guess what I want out of an internship is what I'm missing out on by not studying abroad.

I love being here at Millsaps and I really love all of my friends. I am so excited for all of our adventures we have planned this semester.

So yea...I'm doing well.

whyyyy millsaps???

2010-01-26T13:05:00.000-08:00

I'm not doing so well on my list of things to work on this year. I'm learning in Buddhism that I should probably be more mindful of what I'm doing, but that becomes a little difficult when most of the time I feel like I'm running around with my head cut off.

So yea I'm stressed. But at the same time, I am the most incredibly lazy person of all time. I mean I'm doing things, but its rarely my homework and i just want to avoid thinking at all costs. I've been considering dropping one of my classes as a "have a break, Allison" or a "last semester sucked with 21 hours didnt it?" or "You've made it through 5 freaking ridiculous semesters, you deserve it!" But I havent had the guts to actually do it yet.

I'm ready to not feel pressure anymore. I feel like I'm sinking, I suppose I'm also ready to be really happy again. It's not that I'm unhappy, I just feel quiet and tired and out of it a lot of the time. I need something to look forward to. Please, please, please God let me get an internship in another city so I can have an apartment and meet lots of cool new people and turn 21 and not spend my birthday crying or with my parents.

I'm going to go perpetuate my laziness and take a nap now

keep believing. keep pretending.

2010-01-21T14:30:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry if you had to read my last post. What I meant to say was:

“Stretching out to reach what they are not, men encounter what they are, and they are thereby fenced in and shut out.” –Karl Barth

i am terribly afraid i have reached the point in my life where i have been fenced in and shut out.

2010-01-09T15:06:00.000-08:00

I haven't blogged in exactly a month, so I figured it was time. I've been putting it off a lot because I haven't been entirely happy this Christmas break. Being home stresses me out because its just a reminder that I'm growing up and getting old. I'm ready to go back to school and I'm really ready to figure things out. I have a game plan. I think.
Maybe rather than resolutions, you could call the following a 2010 Bucket List:

1. Less stress, more fun.
2. Get an internship doing s omething fulfilling in a neat place.
3. Be a friend to everyone.
4. Develop a more womanly character.
5. Do something I'm proud of.
6. Exceed expectations.
7. Make sure the people around me know I love them.
8. Learn how to say no
9. Eat healthier, exercise and all that. Take care of my body get more sleep etc.
10. Spend productive time alone.
11. Dont complain so much!
12. Have confidence, in everything I do.
13. See the best in everyone and every situation.
14. Smile.
15. Listen.

Youth by Samuel Ullman

2009-12-09T21:49:00.000-08:00

Youth is not a time of life; it is a state of mind; it is not a matter of rosy cheeks, red lips and supple knees; it is a matter of the will, a quality of the imagination, a vigor of the emotions; it is the freshness of the deep springs of life.

Youth means a temperamental predominance of courage over timidity of the appetite, for adventure over the love of ease. This often exists in a man of sixty more than a body of twenty.
Nobody grows old merely by a number of years. We grow old by deserting our ideals.

Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul. Worry, fear, self-distrust bows the heart and turns the spirit back to dust.

Whether sixty or sixteen, there is in every human being's heart the lure of wonder, the unfailing child-like appetite of what's next, and the joy of the game of living. In the center of your heart and my heart there is a wireless station; so long as it receives messages of beauty, hope, cheer, courage and power from men and from the Infinite, so long are you young.

When the aerials are down, and your spirit is covered with snows of cynicism and the ice of pessimism, then you are grown old, even at twenty, but as long as your aerials are up, to catch the waves of optimism, there is hope you may die young at eighty.

Mental Picture

2009-11-22T13:56:00.000-08:00

I caught a glimpse of something on Friday and I so desparetly wished I had a camera with me and that I was in the appropriate setting to take a picture. Sometimes images can capture things we want to remember, but sometimes the greater context of the circumstances, and how you feel and perceive your surroundings plays more into the image than what can be seen. I love moments like that. Where everything aligns and you feel right and you want to capture it forever. I think its really lovely.

Anyway, I was at a mosque in Jackson on Friday as a component of my Intro to Islam class. I was completely exhausted and having a really hard day. I was just very stressed and tired and not ready for the terrible 3 weeks ahead of me. In the mosque, you arent allowed to wear shoes so we set ours on the rack as we walked in. As we were leaving, we stopped in the office where we were given mini-Qurans to further our study of Islam. I glanced over to the rack, in my tired and fairly uncoherent state of mind, and saw my Toms shoes sitting there. I read the quote on them: "You must be the change you wish to see in the world."

Despite my haziness, it just seemed so...clear.

I felt like in the moment, in the context of the mosque, holding the Quran, it became clear to me that it wasn't a suggestion, it was a command. I have to listen to Gandhi. It isn't a matter of "some people should be the change in the world if they feel passionately about something and have all of the necessary skills and training to change the world if they really want to." It's "you absolutely must change the world for the better, because everyone has a vision of what could be different and it doesn't matter if you aren't a great leader or you're going to turn your junior seminar paper in a month late, you have to work for the change you want to see."

Thanks Gandhi. I'll get on that.

Changing the dialogue

2009-11-12T17:50:00.000-08:00

Me and Katie Sorey's article and the P&W:

“But a Muslim did not do this. Killers do not deserve the honor of a religious label. The man who killed a group of brave American soldiers deserves one name and one name only: murderer. “–Eboo Patel, Founder of the Interfaith Youth Core

Last Thursday, a US Army psychiatrist went on a killing spree at Fort Hood military base in Texas. Both of us agree that upon learning that the man was a Muslim, our hearts sank. We knew what the reaction would be: news media covering the gunman’s religion in relation to his actions, a huge setback for interfaith understanding and cooperation. The response to this tragedy, throughout the country and the Jackson community, has perpetuated the stereotype that Islam is a religion of violence and that all Muslims must be terrorists. If this is the case, then what does a religion of peace look like? If anyone has ever taken a world history class, they know of events such as the Crusades and the Spanish Inquisition.These are all examples of Christian violence throughout history, and many other religions cannot claim to be peaceful either. So how do we as Millsaps students understand the nature of religious violence and embrace those of other faith traditions? First, we have to understand things on an individual basis. The man who committed this terrible act is not a representation of the entire faith of Islam. Many large Islamic groups have spoken out against the gunman’s actions and have reiterated that this does not reflect their beliefs. Second, it is important for us to change the dialogue about religion. It’s important for us to start seeing ourselves as equal members of the same global community. It shouldn’t be about Christians vs. Muslims, Us vs. Them or The West vs. The Rest. To change the dialogue, we need to be more proactive in educating ourselves and our community about other religious traditions and religious pluralism. It is important for us to recognize the values in our own traditions and the traditions of others to better understand our differences and similarities. It is essential to step back and examine a situation like this before jumping to conclusions about a person’s identity or motives for violence. There are plenty of opportunities on campus and in the community to change this dialogue and change the way people in our community think about other religions. Groups on campus like CMT’s Interreligious Engagement group and the “Throw What You Know” event are working to encourage interfaith dialogue. In this way, we can improve religious tolerance and understanding for a better world.

Great Expectations

2009-11-08T13:15:00.000-08:00

I expect too much out of people, and I think that is the reason why I am upset and dissappointed a lot of the time. I guess it could also be seen as I always want to get my way and I need to realize whats going on in other people's heads too, but it just seems that people are letting me down.

I'm getting older and I can feel it. I don't have time for these upsets or big dramatic problems anymore. I didn't particularly like them in the past, but now for sure I am getting tired of them. For some reason, and I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing, my life has become incredibly laid back. Nothing is a big deal to me anymore. Maybe that change occured in Africa, since nothing is a big deal to anyone in the village. It's not that I don't care anymore, because I still care an immense amount about people and the things that are important to me, but I could honestly care less about the little things that really don't matter that much. Shitty things happen sometimes. They happen to everybody. And while I quietly get upset about it for awhile, I don't make a big show of it and I usually forget about it pretty soon. I get all in a tizzy about it, then I step back and see what I'm doing. Generally no one knows that I am angry or mad or upset with them. I deal with things so much more privately than I used to. I guess theres the occasional time where I need to vent and get it out, but for the most part I know I'll get over it.

I just wish everyone could be a little more like that.

I just can't get my hopes up anymore. I can't be let down anymore. I have to let it go.

As Jimmy Buffet would say, "Breathe in, breathe out, move on."

wisdom

2009-11-06T16:01:00.001-08:00

My mom sent me a letter via email today. She attached it as a document and its dated June 10, 2005. It's from my dad and I received it upon my return from CLT. He included one of his favorite quotes, which is a rare glimpse at the way my father thinks and feels and what is important to him. It's from Henry David Thoreau's Walden. I didn't really understand it then, but reading it now, I think its so poignant and beautiful and truthful:
"It is remarkable how easily and insensibly we fall into a particular route, and make a beaten path for ourselves. I had not lived there a week before my feet wore a path from my door to the pond-side; and though it is five or six years since I trod it, it is still quite distinct. It is true, I fear that others may have fallen into it, and so helped to keep it open. The surface of the earth is soft and impressible by feet of men; and so with the paths which the mind travels. How worn and dusty then must be the highways of the world, how deep the ruts of tradition and conformity! I did not wish to take a cabin passage, but rather to go before the mast and on the deck of the world for there, I could best see the moonlight amid the mountains. I do not wish to go below now.

I learned this, at least, by my experiment, that if one advances confidently in the direction of one's dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with success unimagined in common hours. He will put some things behind, will pass an invisible boundary; new; universal, and more liberal laws will begin to establish themselves around and within him; or the old laws be expanded, and interpreted in his favor in a more liberal sense, and he will live with the license of a higher order of beings."

This is my pluralism face!

2009-10-27T23:04:00.000-07:00

I have learned an absolute insane amount this weekend. I have been surrounded by incredible and inspired people and I can't wait to do this for the rest of my life.

There are a few things I really thought about this week that I wanted to get out of me.

1. Lately a lot I've been thinking about incredible movements centered around an amazing common goal to change something. I've been thinking about leaders and movements like Nelson Mandela and apartheid, MLK and the Civil Rights movement, Harvey Milk and the gay rights movement. These passioante leaders rallied people around a passionate cause and I'm so jealous that I wasn't around.

But today as I was listening to Eboo Patel give his closing remarks for the Interfaith Youth Core Conference, I realized this is a movement. And I am a part of it. I believe that the religious pluralism movement is huge and incredibly relevant to our time. This weekend, I saw people come together. Eboo Patel is such an inspiring leader and the people who work at the Interfaith Youth Core are such incredible resources for making a vision a reality.

2. I realized this weekend how deeply rooted one can be in their faith tradition while doing interfaith work and I love that. Everyone is allowed to bring their full religious identity to the table and accepting the religious identities of others is one of the main parts of creating religious pluralism. Its not about thinking everyone is right all of the time., but realizing the things in our own traditions that inspire us to work together with other religions for the common good.

For one of the last sessions, we split into groups and went to different places around Chicago to do some service work. My group went to a Jewish community for the elderly. I ended up with Asim, a Pakastani Muslim from England in his 20s, talking to Ida, a 91-year-old native of Skokie, IL. Ida was definitely losing it, and she didnt have much to say. But we looked through a Jewish calendar Ida had won during Bingo and we talked about Jewish holidays and Jewish food and being old and speaking Yiddish.

I watched them interact, and I would say this was a huge interfaith moment for me. Here I was, a Christian with Muslim friends and Jewish friends and friends of all faiths. And I was watching two very different people, a young male Muslim from England and an older Jewish woman from Illinois bonding over heritage. Maybe it sound cliche, but I couldnt help thinking about their brothers and sisters in faith in Palestine and Israel endlessly fighting.

I just feel so passionately about this and I love being a part of it. I cant wait to see where it goes from here...

Possibilities...

2009-10-25T22:50:00.000-07:00

So, I figure I'm in a pretty good situation to blog right now.

I'm at the Intefaith Youth Core Conference in Chicago right now and the last day and a half has been really interesting. I guess I knew coming here that I would meet people similar to me who like to talk about the same things and are as passionte about interfaith work as I am. But I had no idea I would be meeting this many cool people who have so much experience doing this kind of thing. Its a little overwhelming.

I feel like this is a recurring problem in my life right now. I see all of these people doing all of these amazing things. And I want to be doing those things but I always find a reason not to. I still have two years of school left, so a lot of the opportunities to get really involved arent available to me yet. But still, these people are doing amazing things on their campuses and I don't know why I'm not. Its hard for me to articulate, but I see so many wonderful things I want to be doing and I've met so many amazing people I want to be like.

im gonna let it fly.

2009-10-12T23:07:00.000-07:00

So, sometimes I come to my blog expecting there to be a new post. As if what I'm feeling and doing and thinking should just automatically appear so its clear to me whats going on in my head. Alas, I'm always disappointed when I have no update. How silly is that?

Its hard for me to verbalize whats going on with me right now. I cant figure it out. Im burnt out on school, Millsaps, life in general. Fall Break is so soon. I'm a little upset that I won't get to see my parents til Sunday, though. One thing I hate about breaks is that I have to do work while I'm home. If I dont at least mostly finish my Junior Sem paper this weekend, I'm screwed as I'm going to be in Chicago the day its due. But Chicago should be awesome. And we're going to Milwaukee for Thanksgiving.

Far away places with great art museums. I couldnt ask for anything better.

I've been super paranoid lately and its freaking me out. I've been lying in bed thinking about all the things that feel wrong. My heads been hurting for a few days now and my ears feel really plugged up. I thought I had a fever earlier. Plus I am majorly fatigued. I. get. no. sleep. There has to be something wrong with me. Lindsay's hypochondirac nature is rubbing off on me.

To end this on a happier thought: Someone said something to me yesterday. It was completely out of the blue and it wasn't something I'd ever expect them to say to me. It completely made my day and quite possibly my entire week. I'm not going to share it, but it was an offhand comment they probably dont even realize had such an impact on my mood. The same thing happened today with someone else. These kinds of things make me smile :)

Freeing

2009-10-08T18:17:00.000-07:00

I am officially off of Facebook.
I made Laura change my password this afternoon so that I dont know it anymore. I've been kind of ridiculous with my stalking of late, so I decided to give it up for awhile. I felt pretty relieved early but now I'm no so sure how I feel about it.

That being said...I'm off to the library to study! I'm improving my habits already!

On Saturday

2009-10-03T15:10:00.000-07:00

On Saturday when the sky is blue, and I have nothing else to do...

I like to sit outside with friends and listen to good music. I like to laugh. I like to make dinner plans and talk about silly things that happened the night before. I like getting text messages at exactly the right moment. I like when things make up for prior disappointments. I like seeing my friends in cute dresses smiling because life is good. I like looking nice and wearing new outfits. I like going to the movies.

I like enjoying life.

2009-09-27T23:29:00.001-07:00

"...I can't sleep at night because I feel that there is so much to do and fix and change in the world, and I wonder every day if I am making a difference and if I will ever express the greatness within me, or if I will remain forever paralyzed by muddled madness inside my head. I've wept on every birthday I've ever had because life is huge and fleeting and I hate certain people and certain shoes and I feel that life is terribly unfair and sometimes beautiful and wonderful and extraordinary but also numbing and horrifying and insurmountable and I hate myself a lot of the time. The rest of the time I adore myself and I adore my life in this city and in this world we live in. This huge and wondrous, bewildering, brilliant, horrible world..."

2009-09-23T11:55:00.000-07:00

"The best way to find out is to go, not as a traveler but to meet people and engage with them. It is easily done.

But beware. Africa can be addictive. Le fous d’Afrique, the French call them, those who become mad about Africa. "

When I got back, I never thought I'd ever go back to liking Art History or being in awe of Paris.
But, I've been so wrapped up in my Art History classes and museum intership and looking for Paris study abroad programs.

I love these things, but I feel like I'm forgetting the profound impact Manamani had on me. My facebook status the other day was about how I had finished typing my journal finally and I missed the village a lot. Chief commented on it telling me to come back to visit. I told him how bad I wanted to!!

And Chris has been making all these grand plans for going to the World Cup next summer. I want to go so badly.

The world is my oyster. Whats a girl to do?

On Jim Henson and Internships that arent that terrible

2009-09-22T18:36:00.000-07:00

Jim Henson is actually a pretty neat guy, I dont really mind learning about him. He had a lot of really amazing ideas about what he wanted to say with his shows and muppets. I was reading about Sesame Street is so global and it helps to teach kids about different cultures around the world.

The South African version is called "Takalani Sesame" Takalani is a Tshivenda word!! It means "be happy" Love it.
Heres the link about it I found today:
http://www.sesameworkshop.org/aroundtheworld/southafrica
Coolest country ever? I think so.

If you check my posts in recent weeks, you'll see why these make so much sense:

I believe that we form our own lives, that we create our own reality and that everything works out for the best. I know I drive some people crazy with what seems to be ridiculous optimism,
but it has always worked out for me. –Jim Henson

But, you’ve heard enough. Now, it’s time for you to go listen. Go and find your songs. –Cantus Fraggle

I think there are lots of ways of leading very good lives and growing spiritually. This process of growth goes on whether we believe in it or not. – Jim Henson

2009-09-20T20:46:00.000-07:00

I love being quiet with people.

I really love silence. I love people who you can talk about anything with. And who you can just be silent with.

That was my day today. Talking and being quiet. It was really lovely.

Edit:
I wanted to add something.

I also love constancy. I have this post card my mom bought for me years and years ago. I think it was when we lived in Illinois, so I was probably about 10. It says "I know God won't give me anything I can't handle. I just wish he didn't trust me so much" -Mother Teresa. I've had it next to my bed or in plain sight for the past 10 years. I think thats pretty wonderful.

I think that constancy is wonderful in frienships too. I'm glad I kept up my friendships with a lot of people I knew as a freshman. The person I spent the day with can be hard to keep up with sometimes, but I'm really glad we try and make it work. I love seeing how my friendships have grown.

Rock through it

2009-09-17T17:13:00.000-07:00

We've been playing with magnets on our mirrors. This message greeted me yesterday morning. I took a picture of it on my phone and sent it to someone who I thought might be having a rough day. And then I decided to make it the background on mhy phone.

And basically I've decided this is my new mantra.

Rock through it.

People always tell me "you're gonna rock it"

So thats what I'm gonna do.

Just Rock through it.

2009-09-14T23:40:00.000-07:00

I'm slowly but surely working on typing up my Africa journal for the McNair people. I'm worried they won't like what I have to say. So much of it is me working through my discomfort. Honestly, sometimes I sound really miserable. But I really wasnt. I was just experiencing something new and difficult.

I've been thinking a lot lately about two things.
The first is the negative effect other people tend to have on me. Its possible I'm entirely too sensitive or I take things really personally, but I seem to absorb all the negativity around me. I get really caught up in it until I realize whats going on. I let other people's feelings take hold of my own far too often. And I need to be more conscious and aware of that.

The second thing I've been thinking about is the amount of growing up I've done in the past two years. Sometimes, when my friends say something about something I did my freshman year or whenever I think about what I was like, I get really embarassed because I feel so far from that person now. I can't really explain it, but all of a sudden I just had this sense of being old. And maybe a little wiser. But definitely not wise enough.

I suppose I feel like this blog has become an outlet for this self reflection kind of thing. I feel like right now I'm working through a lot. All of a sudden, I have a massive amount of responsibility and somehow I'm supposed to handle it all and just because Im older now doesnt mean I can. I took on too much this semester. Plus I've been sick for three weeks. I know I'm supposed to be able to handle everything, but I cant. I have a massive amount of homwork left tonight, but I'm more afraid of not waking up for my French test than going to Annie's class without doing the reading.

I just need to go to the doctor. I want so badly to go home right now. I wish they would cancel class for a week and send everyone home to get over the swine. I'm not sure how to deal with anything right now.

an excerpt

2009-08-31T20:07:00.001-07:00

I'm feeling stressed.

An excerpt from Africa:
June 7, 2009

"I'm pretty passionate about world service. There are really good people who are honestly doing all they can to make it a better place. I haven't felt all that helpful at the creche these past 3 weeks, but I've realized the importance of doing small things to improve the condition of my environment. My goal from now on is to be aware and helpful of the needs I see around me and around the world. I want to create a better environment to live in for myself and for others. I realize that I absolutely suck at changing, but Im really going to try to be more helpful when I get home."

Don't let me forget that.

Nothing.

2009-08-19T21:19:00.000-07:00

Nothing goes according to plan.

So, I'm moved in to Millsaps and let the complaining begin...

First off, I bought a couch for our living room. It was a quick decision that I didnt think through well enough. But I was led to believe that the couch was mildly used and in good condition. So I bought it for what I, in my naivety, believed was a good price. But I finally got the couch here and it has dog hair on it. And as I was sitting on it today, my eyes started burning and I started sneezing. So great. I'm allergic to the couch. And my parents arent so happy with me about the purchase of the couch...

Second, I'm especially upset tonight because I forgot my journal at home. I really need to write in it tonight.

Third, the placement of my room is less than ideal. I like the atrium, I like my suite. Except that its right above the HUGE air conditioner for the entire building and its very loud...all day. I havent gotten a good night sleep the past two nights, despite sleeping for about 9 hours. So I'm a bit concerned this may be a problem during the school year.

I guess I'm feeling a deep sense of dissappointment about things I thought would be different. I thought going into this year would be incredibly easy. I thought I would be comfortable in my majors, in my plans for my future, in my big room and other things, but I dont feel like that at all. In fact, I feel incredibly uncomfortable.

I've lost the energy to write the rest of this, which is ironic because thats how I'm feeling. And right now, I just don't know how to deal with what I'm feeling.

In conclusion......I feel like a mess right now.

Minor Freak Out

2009-08-08T20:30:00.000-07:00

All of a sudden...I'm slightly freaking out.

also, blogging two days in a row...can it be???

I just looked at my schedule for next semester, and then read the email from Dr. Smith stating I had to work 12 hours per week at my internship...and then all of a sudden I realized....I LITERALLY DONT HAVE TIME FOR THIS!

Ugh. My thought when registering for this semester was "Im going to have to work really hard. But I love museum studies, so Im willing to do it. The museum will be fun."

These arent so much my sentiments right now.

After my summer activities, I'm not so thrilled about internships in galleries/museums.
Im going have to work 1-5 on T and Th and 3-5 on M and W. This doesnt seem like a normal schedule. Also, recruitment committments are going to eat me alive.

I need to be advised. Badly. the Drs. Smith will be hearing from me shortly.

Summah time

2009-08-07T22:43:00.000-07:00

Im going back to Millsaps on Sunday, which technically means my summer is coming to an end. In honor of a fairly epic/boring summer here are.......

My Favorite Things for Summer 2009:
1. Africa. Manamani Village.
2. Nelson Mandela and Desmond Tutu
3. solitare
4. Re-reading Eat, Pray, Love
5. calling things Sharp!
6. Taxis for 21+dead chicken+bag of hot fries as tall as me
7. faint Chaco tan
8. Gundo.
9. Fresh fruit
10. Kariza skirts/kavu bags
11. sunrises and cool mornings
12. stop, look, and think....stop look and think....and other preschool songs i had to teach
13. berripop ice cream and zoe's chicken salad
14. kanana bread
15. 7 de laan!
16. Bafana Bafana
17.mopani worms....
18.gugus :)
19. Maria
20. TOMS

oh...so...that was mostl my favorite things from africa............and theres so much more

so come over, just be patient

2009-07-28T16:55:00.000-07:00

Hi there :)
So, my picnic in the park last week didnt work out last week because it rained.

But I went today. I picked up Quiznos and went to the park next to the Menil Collection and sat by the big sculpture. I read Acts of Faith and ate my sandwhich. Do you ever realize you are surrounded my things you love and it just automatically makes you feel better? I was sitting there, reading about the youth interfaith movement, the chapter about South Africa, by a sculpture outside the Menil collection, wearing a cute dress, thinking about how I was going to see my friends this weekend and I was just really really happy.

That being said....I've been thinking a lot about what I'm going to do next summer, because I feel like college summers are the best time to explore and do stuff etc. Earlier, I figured my options were: get an internship at Toms or an equally awesome non-profit, get an internship at a big museum, study abroad in Paris, talk Millsaps faculty into letting me do an honors project on Parisian museums forcing me to move to Paris, go back to the village, go back and tour South Africa. OPTIONS.

I've started looking at summer study abroad programs in social change and religious studies at universities in South Africa...

2009-07-27T21:56:00.000-07:00

There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered. -Nelson Mandela

time is so short and im sure there must be something more

2009-07-23T08:35:00.000-07:00

On Thursdays when the sky is blue....
I like to get a chicken salad sandwhich from Zoes and sit in the park outside the Menil Collection and think about life and Coldplay lyrics.

I plan on doing so today.
I'll let you know how it goes.

A little less wise

2009-07-10T21:35:00.000-07:00

I got my wisdom teeth out today.

Something I have learned over the past two months: As much as I worry about freak out about everything, its all going to be okay. Honestly though, Im doing better. I was much less worried about getting my wisdom teeth out than I was about getting on an 11 hour flight. How does that make sense? It actually want as bad as I thought. I dont remember anything. I remember getting the IV and the nurses talking about shoes and the next thing I remembered was waking up when they were putting gauze on the right side of my mouth and I was worried they still had to take out my teeth on the left! But then somehow they told me to open my eyes nad my glasses were on me and they took me to the car through the side door and my mom was there waiting for me. All I have to say is valium, laughing gas, and anesthsia is a winning combination. My pain hasnt been too bad yet and my swelling isnt too bad yet so hopefully Ill be back to normal soon. They told us over and over what a great patient I was. And Chris called me when I was in the car going home. Apparently at first I told him I was already home and then later I told him I was in the car. I was pretty out of it for quite a while. Hopefully Ill be well enough to make it to the Astros game on Sunday!

Anyway, I only have three weeks left at the gallery. I did three cool things this week. First, I got to help curate the show opening this weekend. The artist is AMAZING. Hes from Memphis and my sister is friends with him. How weird is that? Love it. Second, I wrote a press release which was actually really interesting. THIRD, Everyone was gone one day at a meeting from about 9:30-3:00, and a lady came in wanting to buy some art work. She said she was going to come back with her husband at some point, but the point of the story is I almost made a sale. I totally sold her on the work and acted like I knew what I was talking about. It was pretty fun actually, I enjoyed it.

I'm still struggling though. I feel like I can never be settled with something. I sitll have such a strong feeling that selling art for the rest of my life is meaningless. I love learning about art, and I'm thinking I might enjoy museums better, but going from living and working in Africa and feeling like I was doing something worthwhile to working in a business where money is the primary focus has been a huge shift.

I know this is silly, but I just feel like theres...more. Laura told me about the Interfaith Youth Core, which encourages religious pluarlism through world and community service. So, I emailed the person in charge of programming at the Rothko Chapel because I thought that would be the perfect environment to start a movement of the IFYC in Houston, but its been a week and I haven't gotten a reply. But I'm reading Eboo Patel's (the founder of IFYC) bookActs of Faith. I cant explain it yet, but its good.

Im also reading Africa: Altered States, Ordinary Miracles by Richard Dowden (If thats not the exact title, its something really similar). What I've drawn from that is that Africa is really freaking amazing. I already knew this about South Africa of course, but Dowden's whole point is tha Africa is such a vast and diverse continent and if we really want to do something about making it a better place, not only do we need to realize this, but we also need to drop the mindset of "saving Africa." The best way to develop Africa is develop Africans. Its like give a man to fish, you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, you'll feed him for a lifetime. (This reminds me of my recent Kiva loan. The last person I loaned to paid me back so I got to reloan. I picked a lady in Tanzania who makes and sells the same donuts we ate in South Africa!) I think that (at least deep down) this is the whole point of Zote Projects in Venda. Chief and Nyawira started this volunteer program to develop and encourage youth to make a better South Africa. But this conflicts with what Richard Dowden belives in a way because Dowden thinks young people in villages need to be encouraged to embrace their traditional culture and not necessarily accept the Western way of thinking. On the other hand, Chief and Nyawira want to develop young people in the poorest villages in Venda to encourage them to get out of the village. While Dowden's experience mostly came from Uganda, I think in the specific case of Manamani and Venda and South Africa, these kids DO need to get out and go to college and find a way to contribute the the development of their country. (But a huge problem with this is they arent taught much about apartheid or their country's history...its all about Mandela....but this is a whole other story...) If they don't go to university, the girls will most likely get pregnant in or shortly after high school, and hopefully get married. The boys will most likely get some girl pregnant in or shortly after high school and spend their days like the the rest of the men in the village...sleeping in late and drinking traditional beer without holding a job to support their families.

Essentially, its a fascinating mess. While it was hard for me to be there for 4 weeks, I really want to go back. Sometimes I wonder if my host family will even remember me if Iwent back. I'm sure they will, Florah listed off the other three volunteers they had and I was there for longer than some. But I know if I were ever to go back, it would never be the same as the first time.

This is another blog that is going to wrap up with really no purpose, mostly because I just realized its 1 AM and Im on pain killers and Im feeling drowsy. I guess the purpose is is that I'm learning. I'm learning so much about things I'm passionate about and in effect, learning about myself. And I still really cant figure anything out. Clearly Im not in the right state of mind currently to be making any significant judgements or decisions about myself as a person or my future, but I feel like I've been in conflict with what I've been assuming I want to do with my life and what I feel I should do and what would be the logical thing for me to do.Its really something thats been on my mind lately and my father so kindly pointed out that I dont have to know right this moment. He basically told me to finish my degree and in about a year, I can start worrying about grad school or job opportunities.

2009-06-19T19:46:00.000-07:00

I'm home from Africa. I've been home for a week.

My biggest fear about going to Africa was changing a lot. I haven't changed a lot. But...I guess you could say it got me thinking. Since I left, I've realized the impact my trip had on me. I'm incredibly torn at the present moment.

I started my art gallery internship. While its taken a week to warm up to it, I love it now. I love working with art. I would be perfectly happy and excited to own a gallery or be a curator at a museum for the rest of my life.

On the other hand, I've been thinking about South Africa so much lately. By lately, I mean tonight. I would love to get my masters in non profit leadership. My trip has shown me the amount of passion I have for humanity and the world and making it a better place.

I saw a movie awhile ago, for the life of me I cant remember the name, and the main character was torn between a life of ministry and a life of politics. At some point, another character said to him "we humbly suggest you do both." And somehow this has been repeating in my head for days. If there is a way for me to combine my passion for art and world service and religion, Im going to find it.

its endless.

2009-04-29T22:49:00.000-07:00

im losing steam quickly.

Game Plan:
Finish Smiths Paper tonight
Wake up at 8...dress quickly
Venture to Beagle Bagle.
Begin working on Smith's final no later than 9 am.
Complete one question every two hours (total: 10 hours)
Lunch break at 1. Two Questions done. Call Linda. tell her you dont have time to organize your life or Africa or avoid swine flu
Resume by 2.
Finish by 8
Dinner somewhere in here...
Get to 121 by 9:30
Listen to Smith play guitar while secretly loathing him for all the work I did for him these past two days.
11:30 Listen to Annie's band play while secretly loathing her for that stupid paper I spent all day writing
11:31 Wonder how it is I am at a concert where my 60+ professor is playing and then my 30ish professor is playing. Maybe Steve will wear a dress. Annie will definitely wear a wig.
??? Sleep.

Okay. Breathe. Okay.

even breathing feels alright

2009-04-27T20:29:00.001-07:00

Pandora has been playing the same songs over and over, and I'm okay with that. I can't say this very often, but I'm honestly in the mood for repetition and monotony. I have quite a bit of excitement coming up in about TWO WEEKS and I think that'll be far more than I can handle.

This is weird: I have written about five blogs in the past week and I havent posted any of them. I've felt weird about them all. I feel weird about this one. I havent really felt much lately. The things I have felt are inadequate, insecure, fatigue, headache, fear (of swine flu), dissappointment, stress...the list goes on. I guess its just that the things I'm feeling currently arent positive things that Im open and willing to share.

Also, I've been really dissappointed with post secret lately. Frank is getting really depressing and I dont like it. I think I'll send him a post card about it.

Leave me the check, I'll pay with the rest of my life

2009-04-20T23:50:00.000-07:00

"I'm for truth, no matter who tells it. I'm for justice, no matter who is for or against it. I'm a human being first and foremost and as such I'm for whoever and whatever benefits humanity as a whole." -Malcom X

I'm feeling good today. I love days like today. I went to class, got a lot of work done on my Modern Art paper, ate lemon squares, triscuits and cheese, went to the senior gallery talks. I love Millsaps today. I can honestly say I enjoyed the gallery talks, I love drawing connections. I can also honestly say I've really enjoyed writing my Modern Art paper and I hope my hard work is reflected in the end product.

I've been thinking about Africa almost constantly. I was thinking about the packet they gave us that we should not go with the intention of "saving" these people (not in a Christian sense, in a 'i want to save the world' sense.) They want us to go to help these people the best we can and broaden our worldview. I'm terrified of this. I think I'm the kind of person who just wants to save people. I'm also scared because its going to be really hard. I'm really afraid I wont be able to handle the work and living conditions. I've also been thinking about worldviews. About how mine is different than everyone elses. I wrote my theology paper on Black Liberation theology (hence Malcolm X and James Cone quotes.) The things that these two people believe are completely opposite than what I believe religiously and theologically speaking. Yet, they both said some really profound things I really agree with and can relate to.

I don't know how I got to this point in my life that everything is coming together and I'm finally realizing that I'll be okay and I may actually do something worthwhile one day. I think Millsaps has a lot to do with it.

Freedom

2009-04-17T00:52:00.000-07:00

"Simply stated, freedom is not doing what I will but becoming what I should. A man is free when he sees clrealy the fulfillment of his being and is thus capable of making the envisioned self a reality" -James Cone

2009-04-13T19:15:00.001-07:00

"Peace is the skillful management of conflict" -Kenneth Boulding

I found this quote in my planner today. Its in the last week of my planner, which is in August. I need some peace this week, though. Instead, the New York Public Library Student Planner provided me with this for the week of April 12:

"When you cease to make a contribution, you begin to die" -Eleanor Roosevelt

Neat. I think they're trying to tell me I need to get my butt to Africa.

Beautiful.

2009-04-11T23:38:00.000-07:00

I love PostSecret. I love Sundays because of PostSecret. I check the sight as close to midnight as I can. I'm always dissappointed when I've looked at them all. Sometimes its because I want more, but a lot of the time its because I didn't find one I could directly relate to. This week, this was the first one. I love it. I think it describes some trouble I've been having lately. I've been overreacting a lot lately, but today I relaxed a lot and I feel a lot better about myself tonight than I did this morning. I'm hoping for a good week.

2009-04-07T21:10:00.000-07:00

I've been thinking about the Rothko Chapel a lot lately. When I went to the Menil Collection, my mom and I went to see if because neither of us had been before and my mom is really interested in worship and sacred spaces and religion, especially since she works in a church.

It wasn't at all what I expected. At this point, I knew very very little about Mark Rothko, or this chapel. But what I stumbled upon was a profound sacred space and a pretty meaningful conversation with my mom about God, His presence and art. And then I remembered why I'm a double major.

The Rothko Chapel describes itself as "A sacred space open to all, established to advance human rights, interfaith understanding, and justice." Wow. So basically, I'm realizing now that the Rothko Chapel is the culmination of everything I love and believe in and stand for.

The Chapel has two vocations: contemplation and action.

After visiting, I talked to my mom about it. She basically said she didn't get it. She said to her, it was blank and empty and no matter how hard she tried, she couldn't feel God's presence. I felt the complete opposite. As you can see, the benches are surrounded by numerous murals by Mark Rothko (I think there are 8) The building is in the shape of an octogon. On the four flat walls, the murals are black. The diagonal walls have purpleish murals.

I explained to my mom the concept of Malevich's Black Square being the face of God. (She didnt so much get this.) I told her that when I looked into the big black abyss of those murals, I was forced into contemplation. I was engulfed by the uncertainty of Rothko's work and by the uncertainty of God and religion. It's just so...huge, like God and the universe and life is huge.

And then, I turned my attention to the smaller, purple paintings. My favorite part about these were the things I could understand. I could actually see Rothko's big, bold brushstrokes, which drew me to the Chapel's second vocation, action. It is not enough to contemplate, we must be inspired to act to improve human rights, interreligiousunderstanding and justice.

My world just opened up. Two of my passions have seriously collided.

As I have written this, everything in my life has aligned and now makes absolutely perfect sense. I'm just not sure what to do with this new understanding. I feel like the end of this post might be a little anti-climatic, but I'm gonna ponder on this for awhile. A guy named David Anfam said about the chapel, "Simply put, the chapel is a place apart. It calls for a different form of attention, a more hypnotic gaze than we are accustomed to exert."

I do know this: I'm gonna make that picture my computer background. And I'm going to the chapel the day I get home to Houston. And I'm going to contemplate art and religion and humanity until I figure it all out.

Its screaming every step "just stay here"

2009-04-05T14:23:00.000-07:00

Maybe no one told you there is strength in your tears
And so you fight to keep from pouring out

I hate expectations. But I like being pleasantly surprised. I am thankful for last night being what I hoped for, not what I expected.

I have so much inside of me right now. I think its all going to come pouring out soon.

You'll say "Oh sing one we know"

2009-04-04T01:22:00.001-07:00

I wish I could say I feel blank right now, but thats a lie. But my head is clear.
Today was difficult. Earlier this week, I was spending some much needed time with my journal and I recognized some things I need to work on. And I'm having a really hard time with one of them. I was really upset about it tonight and just really frustrated.
But then a friend texted me. And we drove around and sang Coldplay and Taylor Swift and the song by the Goo Goo Dolls that has my name in it. And now, my head is clear. I'm really thankful for that. I like spending time with people one on one the best. I dont think Im very good in large groups because I'm not one of those people who is good at getting everyone's attention.
So now I feel restful. And while I'm sort of worried about the rest of the weekend, I'm excited too. Some of my friends from camp have been doing this thing on Facebook where they post a picture a day that captures an important moment in that day. While obviously, I have no time to do this, I want to put up a picture from working with the North Midtown Community Center today. Sam and I went around distributing fliers and I found a lot of cute houses, so I took some pictures, Im really excited about them:

Also, I have no idea why the first part was underlined...

Its not about how fast i get there, its not about whats waiting on the other side, its the climb

2009-03-31T17:48:00.000-07:00

I always save the post secrets that I can relate to.
I was looking through them today.
I started crying because I feel so connected to them all

I take things for granted. I take moments and people and my life and opportunities I have for granted. I was thinking about a day, last year I think. It was a Saturday and Chris and I had nothing to do, so we drove around looking at houses in Belhaven and Fondren. That was a really beautiful day.

Today...this is my favorite.

#7

2009-03-30T23:09:00.000-07:00

Apparently I only had 6 favorite things in March.

DID I MENTION THAT AFRICA IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS THIS MONTH?

Cause it is....I got my placement today! Im going to a little village that Google has never heard of to play with 345 little children.

I took a two hour nap tonight on accident.

I was #76 yesterday at Footsteps in Hope. I finished in 1.15 hours. I was only 64 people and 45 minutes behind Chris. Score!

My 7 Favorite Things for the month of March

2009-03-27T12:17:00.000-07:00

1. Chacos. The best purchase I've ever made.
2. Neko Case. I can't stop listening
3. "David after Dentist" on YouTube. If you havent seen it, go look it up right now and watch it 1o times in a row like I did.
4. Tetris. I own online Tetris. I am a tetris beast.
5. Salvador Dali.
6. The Menil Collection

Well now dont you tell me to smile

2009-03-26T13:39:00.000-07:00

Something kind of ironic happened.

A few hours after I wrote my last post about how I just dont have fun anymore, I had the most fun I've had in awhile. Im in the Greek Week Step Show now. We had practice Tuesday night and it was awesome. Like, I'm so excited for the show tonight.

And today, I didnt have class and so last night I didnt have homework. I was productive and did stuff for Apple Polishing today, hung out in the house, had more step show practice. And I checked one thing off my reckless teenager list....!!! But I'll leave it up to your imagination what exactly it was :)

The life you learn from someone else that you can only trust yourself

2009-03-24T17:04:00.000-07:00

I'm in some kind of mood today.

I really should say mood(s). I'm angry, frustrated, exhausted, annoyed, irritated, hopeful, worried etc. At one point today I was really happy, but not so much anymore.

Im just so...tired.

It's getting really hard to wrangle people. I never want to be in charge of a large group of people because I get so frustrated and annoyed when things dont go according to plan and people dont show up and no one does what they're supposed to.

I just feel overworked and stressed and like I'm putting entirely too much time and energy into things and people who dont matter or care.

I've had this sense lately that I'm not very fun to be around anymore. I just dont have much to say these days. I feel like after a long day of lecture and discussions, I just want someone to be quiet with. That sounded really retarded. But seriously, I wish I didnt have to talk sometimes. And other times I wish I could talk more. I guess it just depends on my mood, like everything else.

Here is what I want out of the next 5 weeks:
To get into SIAMS
To get all my information about Africa and my placement
For the business office to pay my Africa money on time so I can go
For my room to be clean
To have fun at formal...
Sleep
For my Modern Art paper to write itself
To eat lots of crawfish
For people to email me back

I think thats all.

!!!!

2009-03-22T01:31:00.000-07:00

I finished my Museum Studies draft FINALLY. THANK GOD.

Also, I've been having nightmares about forgetting my medicine at home when I go to Africa, or running out of pills AND GETTING MALARIA.

So basically, when I pick up my perscription tomorrow, I'm checking to make sure I have FORTY pills. I'm counting every single one of them! I will NOT get malaria!

Also, I'm pretty terrified of forgetting anything when I go to Africa. I've already made a list of things to pack. Omg. Two Months. Can I go now pleaseee????

"it is to look, to look and look and then to look again"

2009-03-19T14:33:00.000-07:00

all we ask is for you to be with art...

We went to the Menil Collection today! We saw the Dan Flavin installation and I'm pretty sure Chris was jealous.

They also had Duchamp's L.H.O.O.Q. and Magritte's The Rape and two Compositions by Piet Mondrian!

It. was. incredible. I was so excited to see stuff I've been learning about.
Bahhh! I'm such a nerd. It was a GREAT museum. The Menil's wanted a museum big on the outside, but a small space on the inside. The collection rotates a lot so "the visitor never experiences museum fatigue." My dad was mocking it the whole time, and I felt like he was belittling the art. I dont want to sound pompous by saying its because he doesnt understand it. I dont even understand it. Its that he doesnt think about it. He doesn't take time to consider what hes seeing. It was really getting on my nerves, and I definitely will not be going to many museums with them again.

And its back to the chorus, ladidadidadida

2009-03-17T17:32:00.001-07:00

My weight is up again. Realllly up. Like, senior year in high school before I lost 15 pounds up. Boo stress, and being home, and eating a lot.

My arms still really hurt today. I haven't been moving them a lot. It was really bad when mom and I went shopping and I had to lift them to get clothes on. It was really bad, mom had to help me because I was in so much pain. But a lot of stuff is coming together for Africa! I talked to Suzanne today and shes been talking to the A Broader View people anddd we are pretty much set to go. I just dont know specifics yet.

Tomorrow: Chacos! Linda and I are going to REI where I will purchase my first pair of Chacos and I'm really excited about it.

Anyway, I'm being lame and mopey and I need to get homework done. Spring Break is gross.

Don't let them tell you you're nothing, dont let them break your hearts too

2009-03-16T21:44:00.000-07:00

Things that happened today:

1. I got 5 Shots. Yellow Fever, Typhoid, TB, Meningitis, and Hep A to be exact. 2 in my right arm, 3 in my left. The Yellow Fever hurts the worst. Its in the back of my left arm and I can barely move, even after taking advil. But, now I pretty much have to go to Africa. Because it hurt A LOT. I got a juice box and a trip to Anthropologie out of the deal, so I'm good.

2. I bought a new journal. Im almost done with the one I started on my first day of college. Obviously, I didnt write in it as much as my journal from senior year of high school, because it only took me a year to finish that one. So now Im on to journal number 3. I'm really excited about it, but I need to find a way to decorate the cover. we'll see.

3. I really need to DO something. I've been watching T.V. since 7 and I havent done anything. I need to start my Museum Studies paper and finish making my notecards, but I'm too tired (and too sore!) now.

4. I'm really good at tetris. like, really good.

5. I realized today that I really really really want to get into the Summer Institute for Art Museum Studies. Like really bad. For awhile I wasnt sure if it was right for me, and I wasnt sure I wanted to get back from Africa then go there 2 days later. And I wasnt sure I wanted to give up another month without seeing my friends, even though some of them were going to come visit. But it would be so great as a learning tool, AND I would be far more likely to get an internship in New York City next summer! Letters go out on April 10 and I'm really nervous. Unless my personal statement and 4 years of volunteering at the John Jay French Museum wowed them, I probably wont get it. But we'll see!

6. My titles mean more about how I'm feeling with my entries.

2009-03-13T19:40:00.001-07:00

"Art is not truth. Art is a lie that makes us realize the truth, at least the truth that is given to us to understand. The artist must know the manner whereby to convince others of the truthfulness of his lies."

The Needle Has Landed

2009-03-12T23:34:00.000-07:00

I'm home now. Still doing work. I have a Theological Notebook due tomorrow at 11 and I'm just going to email it to Dr. Smith. The thing is, its 1:35 and I have two sentences. Today has been just too long. I understand Gustavo Gutierrez and liberation theology, I'm just not in the mood to articulate it. I'm not in the mood to develop my opinion or wrestle with something.

I really love being home. When we first moved here in 2007, it didn't feel like home, but now it really does. I like my Salvador Dali print on the wall. Its a normal one. Its a lot more relaxing than what I did my presentation on. I like my bed and my TV too. And kitty.

The hospital was not so fun. I'll be there all day tomorrow, probably. The doctors are really slow. Mom might have surgery tomorrow, but if she doesnt they are sending her home and will do it sometime next week.

I'm such a selfish person. I've been realizing this lately. Somewhere along the way from junior year of high school to here, the line was blurred between "not pleasing other people all the time and doing things for myself" and "being selfish and not doing things because I dont want to." Thats not good. Maybe its a self preservation thing. I'm scared to care about people because then I'll care too much. Caring too much is never a good thing.

There were no survivors, none left at all

2009-03-11T22:57:00.000-07:00

Today has been ridiculous.

My moms in the hospital. My sister called me to tell me and I went outside the library to talk to her. I went back inside and someone turned off my computer and I lost my entire Reading Response. And then I got mad at Chris for not asking why I was upset. And now I'm just feeling bad.

Two couples I know broke up today. I'm not really UPSET about it per say, but I'm scared of the fact that things are going to change. One couple, they were really independent of each other, but I'm going to miss seeing them together, especially since they are usually at KA...and the other...I just dont know what the girl is going to do. Like, if she returns to the pre-boyfriend state, I dont know how to deal with that...

Whatever, I need to go home. I hope SB is good.

If I knew then whats so obvious now

2009-03-10T13:45:00.001-07:00

I have a friend who never seems to want to hang out with me. Hes a busy guy and he works really hard. I text him a little bit every day and we talk some. Sometimes I see him in the library, and thats good. But lately, he never wants to go out, or go get dinner...or anything. When this first started happening last semester, I was really worried, but now I've started getting used to it. I just dont know how people can function like that. Its not like he doesnt want to hang out with me because he doesnt like me, he just generally never wants to do anything. If he doesnt feel like doing something...hes not gonna do it.

The thing that really bothers me is how things were before this started happening. We both lived in Jackson over the summer and it was really great. We'd go out to eat a few times a week, run errands to Wal-Mart, or to Academy to get him new shoes. Then, after I went home and he was still in Jackson, I think he actually legitimately missed me. I wish he still did.

I don't know what it is, but I cant handle the fact that I used to be so close to someone and now Im not. He used to tell me everything, I would even venture to say we were "best friends." But not anymore. We barely talk, and when we do, hes disinterested. Maybe Millsaps is to blame for that. Maybe its all the work we have to do. Maybe its the fact that Im now a part of his friend group and he feels like he cant trust me with stuff anymore. Whatever it is, I dont like it, and I hope it changes soon.

Thats just been bothering me of late.

Slow down fast train

2009-03-06T18:55:00.000-08:00

This may be getting a little old...but I think I'm in love with Neko Case.

So today, I was thinking about how I'm going to Africa this summer. And how I'm pretty sure its going to be one of the best experiences of my life and I really cant wait...even though I'm really nervous about it.

I'm a little burned out. I can't wait for SB. I hope going to NOLA with Rach Nat and Ryan works out :)

Baseball season starts a month from today.

I really like Christmas, but baseball season may be the most wonderful time of the year

The most tender place in my heart is for strangers

2009-03-05T22:30:00.001-08:00

Compared to some I've been around
But I really tried so hard
That echo chorus lied to me with its
"Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on"

People always tell me that everything will work out.

But Im starting to get the feeling that I may be the exception to the rule.

You'll never reach it

2009-03-03T18:54:00.001-08:00

I guess I've decided to start writing in this blog when I decide I'm fed up with school and don't want to write my papers anymore. Which is precisely what is happening right now. Also, it doesn't make sense. It'd seem like I would want to stop writing...

Anyway,

I talked to Cameron a little yesterday. I asked what he'd been up to and he said "just living." We talked about how we get so caught up in school and how we are entirely too busy to just ENJOY anything anymore. It always gets to the point in the semester for me where I just dont care anymore. I dont want to go to class, I really dont want to do my work. I guess thats where Im at right now...just barely making it. I haven't had a moment in the past few weeks where I just sat and enjoyed something. I figured the drive to and from Memphis would be a nice time to relax, but I was so worried about the snow, and my mind was so preoccupied. Maybe thats my problem. Its not that I work too hard or overcommit myself. Maybe its just that I worry too much.

Maybe I just need some sleep.

And they pour it down, and they sing to me

2009-03-03T01:21:00.000-08:00

It's too late for this. At this very moment in time, I hate my major. Also at this very moment in time, I love my major because trust me I would not be up this late working on something for Religious Studies.

Right now, I'm attempting to write a response to an article on Malevich's Black Square. All I have to say about Malevich and is Black Square is that its retarded. Completely stupid and pointless. It is a square. Nothing more, nothing less. So W. Sherwin Simmons needs to drop it. Pronto.

However, I have Neko Case and Doritos. And hopefully, I'll be asleep by 4.

You left me at the greyhound the year I moved away

2009-02-27T13:30:00.000-08:00

Today and yesterday have been two really different days.

Yesterday was just wonderful. Art History days are my favorite. Class was great, lunch with the art history candidate was great, Museum Studies was great, the art history candidate's afternoon lecture was great, open chapter was great, doing research on Dali was great, hanging out with Chris at KA was great.

Today, Im just angry. I missed my first class and I got out of bed around 11:45 for my 12:00 class. I've been so frustrated with the people around me lately. I feel like I need so much more from them than Im getting and I dont know how to communicate that. Or, with some people, I just need them to go away and leave me alone for awhile.

My temper is pretty short today.
And my favorite pair of shoes broke.

If those are these and these are those...

2009-02-26T12:57:00.000-08:00

Blogging..?

So, I was trying to think of something fairly edgy for my blog name etc. and I really didnt know what that would be. So, I went digging through my quotes and I found this poem. When I was really little, I had this tape the Crickets magazine made of people reading short stories and poems. And I would listen to it every night before I went to sleep. And lately, I've been searching everywhere for the tape, and the poems. The only thing I could remember from my favorite one was "On Wednesdays when the sky is blue." So I googled it a few times and finally found this. So far, its the only one Ive been able to find, but I love it.

LINES WRITTEN BY A BEAROF VERY LITTLE BRAIN
by Winnie-the-Pooh
(From the book: Winnie-the-Pooh)
On Monday, when the sun is hot
I wonder to myself a lot:"Now is it true, or is it not,"
That what is which and which is what?"

On Tuesday, when it hails and snows,
That feeling on me grows and grows
That hardly anybody knows
If those are these or these are those.

On Wednesday, when the sky is blue,
And I have nothing else to do,
I sometimes wonder if it's true
That who is what and what is who.

On Thursday, when it starts to freeze
And hoar-frost twinkles on the trees,
How very readily one sees
That these are whose - but whose are these?

On Friday –